They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
