Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
