fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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