Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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