Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
