a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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