Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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