Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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