So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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