Sober January is a disaster.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
