fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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