if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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