Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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