Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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