Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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