why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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