My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
