I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
