At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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