I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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