I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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