I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
