Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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