Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
