Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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