I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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