My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
