Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
