I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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