its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
