So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
sarcasm needs its own font
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
