life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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