shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
