Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
