Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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