You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
