Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
As shirtless as possible
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
