I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
