I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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