oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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