if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
