I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
