party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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