her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
