Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize