I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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