and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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