Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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