just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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