So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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