I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
