i think my tv is drunk
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
