Who wears a wallet chain?!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she peed on how many people?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Randomize
