so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
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