If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
