He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Randomize
