I'm going to jail i love you
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
