im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
