Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
