Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
