just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You have to summon your inner elephant
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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