I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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