can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
