I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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