So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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