Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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