I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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