My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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