could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
