Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
