This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
