So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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