You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
