I am puke
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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