I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
